By Quentin Corpuel
Welcome to the inaugural edition of Sunday NFL Superlatives, where we hand out a number of select superlatives based on the week’s performances around the league. It’s a lot like the superlatives you see at the end of your high school yearbook, except the voting is actually based on performance and not politics (yeah, I’m talking to you, high school yearbook committee). Some of these superlatives are complimentary; others are meant to highlight poor, sometimes catastrophically bad outings. Nevertheless, this is intended to be a fun way to recap the week’s action, and I hope you enjoy it.
“We’re baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.” – Sam Ehlinger, 2019.
After 219 long days without professional American football, the NFL made its annually celebrated return this past week. Never had I been so excited to sit sedentary in my chair for over seven hours.
Similarly to a Fourth of July celebration, Week 1 brought not just the fireworks, but some serious wackiness. The early slate of nine games saw six of them having winners that emerged victorious by one score or less, including another Falcons late-game meltdown, a befuddling OT victory for the Steelers and a weird tie between the Colts and Texans. The Dolphins might be a lot of fun. The Bears actually played pretty decent football! Lamar Jackson officially silenced doubters for about the 237th time. God was even a Giants fan today, and God is never a Giants fan!
There are a number of superlatives to hand out from a wildly eventful day of football. Let’s jump in!
MVP(s): Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes
This superlative goes to the player or coach from the week who had the best overall performance.
I see we’ve picked up right where we left off.
Our lasting image of these two from the previous season was their all-time duel in the AFC Championship game that saw Mahomes’ team prevail in a soon-to-be reformed overtime. We watched two football cyborgs go blow-for-blow as us mortals sat in astonishment, questioning whether either of them was fully human or not. While Week 1 didn’t reveal any potential signs of extraterrestrial life within the quarterbacks for the Bills and Chiefs like it may have in January, Allen and Mahomes once again showed just how transcendent they are.
Let’s start with Allen, whose Bills stampeded the Rams on opening night, causing everyone who had a single thought of Buffalo winning the Super Bowl prior to Week 1 to declare themselves football psychics. While I wouldn’t crown them the next ‘07 Patriots or anything like that…man, they looked dominant, and Allen had a lot to do with it.
Sure, a lot of Allen’s completions were quick throws, but he was decisive all night long, never seeming to hesitate or lack confidence in a throw or run. His throws left his hands like Aroldis Chapman fastballs and were consistently hitting his receivers in the numbers. The Rams defense couldn’t do much about it because a) Buffalo’s receivers were getting open in the blink of an eye, and b) Allen got the ball out in what felt like half of a blink of an eye.
When Allen decided to run, his scrambles were legitimately terrifying, as seen by Allen sending Nick Scott rocketing into the turf with a stiff arm. Allen’s rushing ability even drew comparisons to other species.
In Phoenix, Patrick Mahomes was doing literally whatever he wanted against a helpless and undermanned Cardinals defense. Similarly to Allen, Mahomes was methodically connecting with receivers on short, quick passes all game long. When Andy Reid called for longer passing plays, Mahomes entered backyard football mode, scrambling gracefully before finding an open receiver or throwing a receiver open.
With Mahomes, it sometimes looks like he’s messing around, like he’s almost challenging himself to come up with the most creative way to get a ball to an open receiver. He’s that talented. Take this drive early in the third quarter as an example of how magical Mahomes is with the ball in his hands. He first hits Travis Kelce on an absolutely perfect throw for a chunk gain. He then hits Skyy Moore on a sidearm laser moving to his left for another chunk gain. Finally, he connected with Jody Fortson for a touchdown on a pass that was released like a wiffle ball pitch. It wasn’t a great throw by any means, but the fact that Mahomes is able to contort his arm like that and still get the ball to open receivers is mind-blowing.
(Close)
Honorable mentions: Justin Jefferson, for casually lighting up the Packers for a spectacular 9-184-2 line; Von Miller, for roasting the Rams’ offensive line like Costco rotisserie chickens on Thursday night; AJ Brown, for an excellent 10-155 line. He looks to be the WR1 that the Eagles have lacked for years; the people who squeegeed the grassy swimming pool that was Soldier Field before Niners-Bears; and NFL Red Zone, simply for existing and being in our lives.
The Kevon Looney Silent MVP: Mike Tomlin
This superlative goes to the player or coach who may have not gotten a lot of national attention for their performance but certainly bolstered their team whether they won or lost. This superlative was named after Golden State Warriors big man Kevon Looney because he embodies the spirit of a silent MVP. He’s far from flashy, but without his contributions down low, the Warriors don’t win the NBA Finals. This is the football version of that.
This is the second consecutive season that the Steelers have dominated an opposing offense that was considered one of the best in the league. Last year, they manhandled Josh Allen and Co. for 60 minutes, and this year, they looked like a reincarnated Steel Curtain against Joe Burrow and the reigning AFC Champion Cincinnati Bengals.
Pittsburgh entered Sunday as seven-point underdogs; five forced turnovers, seven sacks and a couple of lucky breaks later, the Steelers left Cincinnati victorious. They hounded Joe Burrow all game long, pressuring the pocket and forcing tough throws into coverage all game long. The Bengals invested tens of millions of dollars into retooling an offensive line that more or less cost them a Super Bowl title last season; against the Steelers, there didn’t seem to be much of a difference. On both sides of the ball, Pittsburgh played like a cohesive unit; especially on defense, they all seemed to move as a unit rather than individuals, and that stems from exceptional coaching.
Tomlin has long been the Silent MVP in the coaching world. Despite not recording a single losing season since he took over for Bill Cowher in 2007, Tomlin has never won Coach of the Year. There were a couple of years he had really strong cases, such as in 2008 and 2010 when he took Pittsburgh to the Super Bowl. Pittsburgh won 10+ games each year from 2014-17, and he should’ve been in consideration last season for taking a team led by noodle-armed Ben Roethlisberger to the postseason.
Tomlin has turned the Steelers into a version of a college that is consistently relevant yet doesn’t rake in five-stars annually like Alabama and Ohio State. Think of schools like Iowa, Kansas State, Oklahoma State and Wisconsin, schools that are never stacked with blue chip prospects but always seem to be good. The reason for that: Coaching! Player development! Bad coaches at any of those four schools would produce far lesser results than the ones those schools have had for the past couple of decades, but Kirk Ferentz, Bill Snyder, Mike Gundy, Barry Alvarez, Brett Bielema and Paul Chryst have all kept those schools relevant for years.
Tomlin is the same way; he gets the most out of his players. Chase Claypool, Terrell Edmunds, Pat Freiermuth, Alex Highsmith, Diontae Johnson, George Pickens and Cameron Sutton were all Day 2 picks by the Steelers. TJ Watt was picked 30th, and Cam Heyward was picked 31st. These guys that are a part of the core group of Steelers weren’t considered high-end players coming out of college, and now, they’re fresh off of a dominant performance against a team led by two top-five picks. If you’re of legal drinking age, raise a glass to Tomlin for yet another exceptional coaching performance.
Honorable mentions: Brain Daboll, for the best Giants coaching performance in several years; Jameis Winston, for his heroics in crunchtime; Za’Darius Smith, for wreaking havoc on his old friends from Green Bay; and Dominique Robinson, for dominating the Niners offensive line and valiantly leading a Bears defense that was projected to be one of the worst in the league.
The 2021 Urban Meyer Dumpster Fire Performance of the Week: Joe Burrow
This superlative goes to the player, coach, team, fanbase or anyone related to the NFL that had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, so bad that it needs to be recognized with its own superlative.
“Who would’ve thought?” “Not me.” – Sean Evans and Paul Rudd, 2019
Joey B. Joe Brr. Joe Shiesty. Joe Cool. There have been many nicknames that have described Joe Burrow, the calm, collected, cigar-smoking, gunslinging badass signal-caller that has established himself as an alpha dog at both the college and professional level.
On Sunday, Joe Cool looked the opposite of cool. Have you ever listened to a song or watched one of those sports hype-up videos and envisioned yourself having the game of your life to said song or video? This game was the exact opposite of that for Burrow.
Now, Burrow made a lot of really nice throws against the Steelers. But unfortunately, he made some costly ones – four of them to be exact, plus a lost fumble.
Burrow’s first mistake was the most costly. Against zone coverage, Burrow looked for Tyler Boyd on a post route about ten yards downfield, only for notorious ballhawk Minkah Fitzpatrick to leap in front of Boyd and house it for a pick-six. I’m going to put this one on Burrow, only because Fitzpatrick was standing right behind Boyd like the Undertaker stood behind AJ Styles at WrestleMania 36. That ball shouldn’t have been thrown.
Burrow’s second turnover, however, was not his fault. Alex Highsmith blew by left tackle La’el Collins for a lightning-quick sack fumble that was recovered by Cam Heyward. It was a combination of Collins getting burned and the Bengals having called a long-developing pass play; had the call been a short pass or a run, there’s no turnover.
Turnover number three was more so an incredible defensive play by TJ Watt than a bad play by Burrow. Looking for Hayden Hurst on a short post, Watt read Burrow’s eyes like a book, snatching the bullet pass out of the air for a spectacular leaping interception.
The fourth and fifth turnovers were relatively the same; Burrow was looking for a receiver over the middle, and a Steeler jumped in front of the pass for an interception. Prior to Sunday, Burrow had turned the ball over three times in a game twice dating back to his junior season at LSU.
However, it seemed as if Burrow’s disastrous day would be relievingly overshadowed, as he threw a buzzer-beating, walk-off touchdown to Ja’Marr Chase as time expired in regulation, but whatever higher football power was watching over Florida State-LSU last weekend decided to intervene this time around in Cincinnati, as Evan McPherson’s game-winning extra point attempt was blocked. Although Burrow led a stellar drive in OT to put McPherson in field goal range, “Money Mac” missed a chip-shot, and the Bengals went on to lose a heartbreaker.
Overall, this was a day to forget for Burrow…except, maybe not forgetting will be for the best. According to FOX Cincinnati’s Jeremy Rauch, Burrow sat and stared into space for at least 45 minutes after the game with most of his uniform still on, with his only short break being the postgame press conference. If Burrow goes on to win MVP, or the Bengals go on to win the Super Bowl (or both), this moment is undoubtedly going to be dubbed the turning point of the season.
For all the Bengals fans out there, the silver linings here shine very bright. Despite the early turnovers, Burrow kept attacking downfield and played his usual style of smart, yet fearless football. He lost Tee Higgins to a head injury in the second quarter. He led the Bengals 60 yards down the field in 85 seconds to tie the game with zeroes on the clock, and had McPherson made either the extra point at the end of regulation or the field goal in OT, this performance wouldn’t be nearly as ridiculed. Finally, Burrow is clearly mad at himself. I’ve never been in an NFL locker room before, but don’t think many quarterbacks, let alone players, stare into space for 45+ minutes after a bad game. Sure, this was a terrible loss, but if anyone can bounce back in a big way, it’s Joe Burrow.
Honorable mentions: The Soldier Field turf, Matt Ryan, Mitchell Wilcox and Kevin Huber, Bengals fans, Vance Joseph, Randy Bullock, Skip Bayless, Cris Collinsworth’s voice
Best post-game quote: “{Mike} McDaniel’s gonna need a wheelbarrow for his nuts to carry them around.” – Tyreek Hill
This superlative goes to the best post-game quote from a player or coach that either perfectly encapsulated their team’s performance from the day or was just flat-out creative/funny.
Context: Facing a fourth and seven on New England’s 42-yard line late in the first half, Mike McDaniel went for it, and it worked. Tua Tagovailoa hit Jaylen Waddle on a slant, who left two Patriot defenders in the dust en route to a house call. Hill was clearly appreciative of the aggressiveness from McDaniel after the game.
Should’ve seen it coming: Cordarrelle Patterson returning to 2021 form
This superlative goes to an occurrence that we, the people that follow the NFL relatively closely, should’ve seen coming. Despite all of the evidence being out there that this occurrence was going to happen, we ignored it for whatever reason, and now we’re here, feeling regretful.
For the first time in eight years, a team finally figured out how to best maximize Cordarrelle Patterson, and that team was…the 2021 Atlanta Falcons?! Whoa! How about that!
Jokes aside, the Falcons transitioned Patterson from kick returner to running back last season, and the results were spectacular. Patterson scored 11 touchdowns from scrimmage (six rushing, five receiving) and looked like a true dual-threat out of the backfield. From a fantasy perspective, Patterson was a top candidate for waiver wire MVP, as he finished seventh in PPR scoring amongst running backs after going undrafted in most leagues.
Now, Patterson was an incredible returner. He’s had numerous 100+ yard kickoff return touchdowns and had two in a season twice. But Patterson’s pass-catching ability combined with his size (6’2”, 220 pounds) and speed (4.42 40-yard dash at the 2013 NFL Combine) make him a dangerous running back, and the Falcons were the first team to fully realize that.
Heading into 2022, you’d think people would be high on Patterson after an electric 2021 campaign. Wrong. FantasyPros had Patterson ranked as the 33rd best back, with ESPN ranking Patterson at 35th and Yahoo! Sports placing him at 36th. The reasons for regression were understandable: Matt Ryan checked the ball down a lot last season, and Marcus Mariota has never been one to check the ball down a lot. The Falcons were likely going to be doing a lot of losing this season, which usually equates to more pass attempts, and the Falcons also added Drake London in the draft. Throw in a potential Kyle Pitts breakout as well as a porous offensive line, and the reasons to fade Patterson were valid.
But what actually fundamentally changed from last season in Atlanta? With Calvin Ridley getting suspended, they essentially swapped Ridley for London. Other than that, the personnel and coaching staff are basically the same from last season. Also, there was no way the Falcons were going to just stop giving Patterson the ball after his performance last season.
The takeaway here is that nothing really changed, we didn’t care and, of course, Patterson rushed for 120 yards and two touchdowns to go along with three catches for 16 yards against the Saints on Sunday. He looked strong. He looked explosive. He looked exactly the same as last year, and we should’ve seen it coming.
Honorable mentions: The Bills looking like the most complete team in the league, the Steel Curtain Steelers reincarnating for Week 1, the Stafford-Kupp connection, Trey Lance looking a tad rusty, Clyde Edwards-Helaire playing well, the Tirico-Collinsworth broadcast pairing feeling a little weird
The George Pickens Alpha Dawg of the Week: Justin Jefferson
This superlative goes to a player who displays a mentality and play style that would make the kids say “he’s got that dawg in him”. If you took an x-ray of this player, you might find an image of a rottweiler or a pitbull somewhere around their ribcage.
An honorable mention for MVP, Jefferson torched the Packers for nine catches, 184 yards (158 in the first half) and two touchdowns in Minnesota’s 23-7 victory over Green Bay. Joe Berry’s zone defense didn’t stand a chance against Jefferson, who found soft spot after soft spot for numerous chunk gains.
It’s obviously only one game, but Minnesota’s new offensive scheme designed by former Rams offensive guru Kevin O’Connell looks to already be paying dividends for a weapon-laden Vikings offense. Jefferson is essentially playing the same role Cooper Kupp did last year with the Rams when Kupp had one of the best receiving seasons of all time. Jefferson was already an exceptional receiver, but in this offense, breaking records isn’t out of the question.
(Jingle music) QC’s Neat-O Stat of the Night (shoutout Ernie Johnson!): The New York Giants
This isn’t a superlative, just a stat that I think is cool for whatever reason.
With a nail-biting 21-20 victory over the Titans on Sunday evening, the Giants have a winning record for the first time since January 8, 2017, when I, a college freshman, was about halfway through seventh grade. “Black Beatles” a.k.a the Mannequin Challenge song was atop the Billboard Top 100. “Vine” still existed. Yeah, it’s been a while, but a win is a win. The Brian Daboll era in East Rutherford is off to a very promising start.