For this week’s NFL recap, I have once again decided to merge two things that I love very much; football and “The Office”. I believe that weaving in the incredible quotability of the NBC phenomenon with the highs and lows of NFL football will make for spectacular content. I take great joy in creating a world where Pam Beesly and Russell Wilson share a commonality, where Michael Scott has something to do with Patrick Mahomes. Oh, what a beautiful world that is.
Michael Scott: “On the count of three, we’re all going to put down our guns.”
Dwight Schrute: “I have crossbows.”
The Bengals passing attack comes back like it never left
The Bengals offense last season was defined by explosive plays. Ja’Marr Chase had the highest yards over expectation in 2021, and Tee Higgins was fourth. Joe Burrow completed 16 passes of over 40 yards, the second most behind Matthew Stafford. If the Bengals offensive line holds for a half second longer at the end of Super Bowl LVI, Burrow hits Chase for a long touchdown, and Cincinnati completes an improbable Super Bowl run. Their receiving core of Chase, Higgins and Tyler Boyd with Burrow throwing them the ball was like having a collective killer crossbow in a league full of, well, not killer crossbows. Higgins was probably the best WR2 in the league, and Boyd was probably the best WR3 in the league.
At the start of this season, however, those explosive plays weren’t there. It was odd. We knew their explosiveness was going to regress at least a little bit, but definitely not to the point where their offense looked completely discombobulated. Something was wrong.
The Bengals were being too predictable.
When the Bengals ran the ball, it looked like they were going to run the ball pre-snap with Burrow lining up under center. When they wanted to throw the ball, it looked like they were going to throw the ball, often lining up in shotgun or empty sets that essentially gave the defense a leg up on defending the Bengals.
This time, however, the Bengals offense was able to take the top off of a defense, albeit the defense being the Atlanta Falcons. On the first long touchdown to Boyd (who finished with a Chase-ian line of 8-155-1), the Bengals ran play action, faking a halfback draw to Joe Mixon that opened up an easy deep shot for Boyd.
Why was Boyd so open? The fake to Mixon made the Falcons defense pause for a split-second because, for a moment, it looked like Burrow was going to hand the ball off to Mixon. Since it wasn’t obvious as to whether Mixon was going to run it or Burrow was going to throw it, the Falcons couldn’t react until Boyd was already way behind the defense. That’s the power of the play-action, and the Bengals used it effectively.
Chase also had two touchdowns on the day, and while neither of them were off of play action sets, he beat his man both times, with his second touchdown looking eerily similar to his legendary acceleration clinic against the Chiefs last regular season.
The Bengals have always had the killer crossbows; they just needed to find ways to unleash them. While defenses seemed to have put a cap on them, today proved that they can still be one of the more dangerous offenses in the NFL.
“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone
What Tom Brady (probably) wants to do after Sunday
The Panthers have endured some serious hardship lately. The team recently fired their head coach (who sported a glistening 11-27 record at the time of his firing), traded their All-Pro running back and seem to be in the running to start their fifth different quarterback on opening day in five seasons when the 2023 campaign kicks off next September. With the Buccaneers coming to town, a sixth loss in seven games seemed imminent.
Yet once again, the Buccaneers offense sputtered in a disheartening 21-3 defeat to the actively rebuilding Panthers. Their 46 yards on the ground marks Tampa Bay’s sixth game with fewer than 100 rushing yards, the most they’ve had in a seven-game stretch since they sported one of the league’s worst rushing offenses in 2017. It also didn’t help that Mike Evans dropped a surefire touchdown pass that he probably would’ve caught with his eyes closed nine out of 10 times. How is a Tom Brady-led offense with Mike Evans, Chris Godwin and Leonard Fournette struggling this much?
It is widely known amongst frequent viewers of the 2022 Bucs that their rushing attack has been incredibly subpar. It’s not just because they have an Uber-talented back in Leonard Fournette, but how much their struggles on the ground have hurt them in short-yardage situations, the scenarios where you need your ground game the most. On Sunday, Fournette got stuffed at the line of scrimmage twice on third and fourth-and-one for a turnover of downs, invoking major feelings of frustration amongst Buccaneer nation:
The other answer is the same thing that had caused Cincinnati’s aforementioned struggles on offense: predictability. Brady lines up in the shotgun quite often, specifically empty sets. When a quarterback is the only one in a backfield, it lets the defense know that the offense is going to throw. It makes playing defense a lot easier when the defenders know whether the offense is going to run or pass before the snap. On the other hand, with a team that runs a lot of play action or plays where the quarterback starts under center, such as the Giants, the defense has a far more difficult time defending that because they don’t know if the offense is going to run or pass until after the snap. It’s like going into a math quiz knowing you’ll only be tested on division, which makes studying a lot more manageable than if you were also being quizzed on addition, subtraction and multiplication.
It’s especially hard when the quarterback starts under center, because the defense can’t see the ball until the quarterback or running back keeps it, whereas they can see the ball in the shotgun. Take this NFL Live segment from a little while ago, where they talked about this exact concept:
The Buccaneers have played like this over the past two seasons, except this season, Tampa Bay’s offensive line has been significantly worse, and their receivers aren’t getting as open as they used to. While Brady is actually getting the ball out quicker than he ever has since Next Gen Stats began tracking time to throw in 2016 – an aspect of Brady’s game that has neutralized front seven mismatches and poor receiving talent – he hasn’t been able to connect with his receivers nearly as much in 2022.
Tom Brady may not want to eat hot dogs in retirement, as he likely hasn’t consumed a single carbohydrate since 2004, but he might be regretting his decision to come out of retirement last February. If the Buccaneers can’t right the ship, playing football is going to remain incredibly unfun for Brady, and the Buccaneers might struggle to make the playoffs.
“It is an inspiration, it is a source of beauty, and without paper, it could not have happened…unless you had a camera.” — Michael Scott
Andy Dalton and Marco Wilson exemplifying the epic highs and lows of NFL football
On Thursday night, Andy Dalton had a very up-and-down game. While he did throw for 361 yards and four touchdowns, he threw three interceptions, including two pick-sixes on back-to-back drives at the end of the first half. A quarterback throwing back-to-back pick-sixes hadn’t happened since Ryan Fitzpatrick did it in 2019, and it hadn’t happened in the last two minutes of a half since Dan Marino did it in 1997.
But the real reason we’re highlighting this is because of the epic replay shot that came out of the first interception touchdown by Marco Wilson. As the pass from Dalton deflected off the hands of Marquez Callaway and into the hands of Wilson, the sophomore cornerback was off to the races. As it became apparent that no Saint was going to catch him, Wilson began slowing up before the end zone like an Olympic diver, preparing to take a joyous leap across the goal line as Dalton threw his hands up in frustration. The best part? Both feelings were captured in a single frame.
Besides the phenomenal camera work, there was another fascinating tidbit about this play. What that specific camera shot didn’t show is that Wilson executed a flawless flip into the end zone. It looked so natural that I wondered if he’d had any experience in gymnastics or any sport that required flips and dives. Sure enough, Cardinals linebacker Isaiah Simmons revealed postgame that Wilson had past experience with parkour, which Wilson not only confirmed, but made mention of a YouTube video that showed off his wall-scaling expertise. It didn’t take long to find it.
Although Wilson said he stopped prior to his freshman year of high school, it looked like he still had a little bit left in the tank, which produced one of the more hilariously iconic moments of the 2022 season.
“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” — Michael Scott
The Green Bay Packers offense
If you thought the Panthers had endured serious in-house turmoil, let’s head to Washington, where the Commanders have had to deal with so much recently that I’m just going to make a listicle:
The all-too-frequent Dan-Snyder-did-or-said-something-terrible story dropped Colts owner Jim Irsay, of all people, called out Snyder at league meetings A check for a victorious raffle ticket from a Commander fan last week from a team-hosted charity event was bounced Former Washington star linebacker Chris Cooley declined to be honored at halftime because he doesn’t want to be associated with the team anymoreA seat cushion giveaway was delayed out of fear that fans would throw them on the field…because they already did that during a 1992 playoff game “Sell the team” chants and signs were abundant, but at least that’s a normal occurrence at FedEx Field Taylor Heinicke was forced to make his first start since his revered 2021 Wild Card performance against the Buccaneers, subbing in for an injured and already-struggling Carson Wentz
Despite all of this, Washington still emerged victorious, dropping the Packers below .500 after seven games for the first time since 2006. The Commanders scored 20 unanswered after going down 14-3 and staved off a late comeback that featured one of the more entertaining last-gasp lateral attempts I’ve ever seen.
Last week, we touched on why the Packers are the way they are, and they looked the same this week. Similarly to his fellow struggling all-time great Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers looked dejected, so dejected that the cameras caught him cussing at his own sideline after a Romeo Doubs drop on third down.
Rodgers looked out of sync all afternoon. The Packers receivers weren’t helping Rodgers much, which included a muffed punt from Amari Rodgers that led to a Washington field goal. The Packers coaching staff is really trying to make the most out of the hand they’ve been dealt in terms of skill position players, but nothing seems to be working consistently. While they did get Aaron Jones more involved, he’s been the only semi-consistent skill player on Green Bay.
The worst part is that the Packers just got the easiest part of their schedule out of the way, as the Bills, Cowboys, Titans, Dolphins and Vikings still await. While Rodgers expressed confidence in his squad after the game (as he famously has before), the Packers are in serious trouble unless Green Bay’s receivers take major steps forward.
“Scranton! What? The electric city!” — Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute
New York! What? The electric city!
Fuhgetabout da Yankees getting smacked by the Astros. Fuhgetabout the Mets seeing a 101-win season evaporate in three games. Fuhgetabout the Islanders starting the season slowly. The Giants and Jets are good again! (And no, we’re not counting the Bills. Buffalo is in a completely different part of New York).
The funny thing about this quote is that most of both the Jets and Giants’ victories have been far from offensively electric, which was exactly the case on Sunday.
In East Rutherford, the Jets played one of the most New Yorkian football games in recent memory, which is essentially just a low-scoring rock fight where the defense frustrates the opposing offense, and the offense doesn’t commit many self-inflicted errors. The Jets did exactly that in Denver, holding the Brett Rypien-led Broncos to nine points for their fifth consecutive game allowing less than 21 points. Was their offense good? Not really. Their only explosive play of note was a 62-yard touchdown run by Breece Hall. However, they didn’t commit a turnover for the third consecutive game, a positively stark contrast from the 2021 squad.
In Jacksonville, the Giants won how they’ve been winning all season: playing tough defense and not messing up on offense! Sure, the Jaguars broke a few chunk plays on them, but once again, they stepped up when it mattered the most. The final play of the game saw Trevor Lawrence hit Christian Kirk on what would’ve been the game-winning touchdown had there not been four white jerseys stonewalling him from the end zone.
That play exemplified the 2022 Giants: Fabian Moreau, a third-round pick who’d failed to find his footing on Washington and the Falcons, made the initial stop on Kirk and was quickly joined by Julian Love, Xavier McKinney and Landon Collins. While the individual players may not necessarily be the cream of the crop, the sum has proven to be greater than the parts, which has contributed to plays like that one.
Offensively, the Giants grounded and pounded their way to 236 rushing yards, a number they hadn’t reached since 2017. Again, none of it was flashy, but it got the job done. The last offensive drive was especially awesome. Saquon Barkley (110 rushing yards) had holes to run through and hit them hard, while Daniel Jones (107 rushing yards) was effectively rolled out into space, which allowed for several chunk plays on the ground.
Despite the gritty wins, both teams were hit hard by the injury bug. Hall went down with what is feared to be a torn ACL, and Jets starting offensive tackle Alijah Vera-Tucker left the game with an elbow injury. The Giants saw two starting offensive lineman leave the game with injuries in Evan Neal and Ben Bredeson, and Daniel Bellinger left the game with an eye injury. Guess what? It didn’t matter. Both teams still figured out ways to win.
Neither of these victories were pretty. But that’s the point. Most of what both teams do isn’t going to end up on any highlight reels. Andrew Thomas sealing the edge on a read option isn’t going viral on social media. Quinnen Williams collapsing the pocket on an incompletion isn’t going to go widely noticed. But what does go viral is the fact that the two teams are a combined 11-3, and it’s those types of plays that help them win.