For this week’s NFL recap, I have once again decided to merge two things that I love very much; football and “The Office.” I believe that weaving in the incredible quotability of the NBC phenomenon with the highs and lows of NFL football will make for spectacular content. I take great joy in creating a world where Pam Beesly and Russell Wilson share a commonality, where Michael Scott has something to do with Patrick Mahomes. Oh, what a beautiful world that is.
Quote: “You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.” — Pam Beesly
Subject: The Green Bay Packers’ offense
To be quite honest, I’m getting a bit tired of talking about how porous the Packers’ offense has been in 2022. Unless they undergo a miraculous turnaround in the second half of this season, this will likely be the last time I talk about them. But for now, let’s go over how Green Bay could only muster up nine points against what was one of the league’s worst defenses on Sunday.
The absence of Davante Adams has been almost frightening. It has looked like yin without yang, peanut butter without jelly, Snoopy without Woodstock. What kept Green Bay’s aerial attack afloat was the seemingly telepathic connection between Rodgers and Adams. Even the loss of Marquez Valdes-Scantling has proven to be important, because he was their only receiver who could stretch the field vertically. Since Adams has been gone, Rodgers has looked like he’s missing someone, and Sunday was yet another example of that.
Green Bay’s trip to Detroit should’ve been the game where they righted the ship. The Lions had been one of the worst defenses in all of football, as they hadn’t given up less than 24 points in a game all season long. Rodgers also hadn’t lost to the Lions since 2018. None of that mattered. For the first time in his career, Rodgers threw three interceptions with zero touchdowns in a game. The first one was a stroke of bad luck, as Rodgers’ laser to Allen Lazard bonked off of a defender’s helmet and hung in the air like a fly ball to center field, allowing Lions rookie safety Kerby Joseph (who had the game of his life on Sunday) to corral the descending pigskin.
The second interception, however, was pretty atrocious. Facing another fourth-and-goal, the situation presented would’ve been an designed quick throw to Adams, which would’ve likely ended in a score. But since Adams is not there anymore, the play drawn up was for longtime offensive tackle David Bakhtiari, who’d never been targeted since he entered the league in 2013. That didn’t even matter, as the throw from Rodgers came up way short of Bakhtiari, allowing Aidan Hutchinson to intercept the misfire.
Rodgers’ third interception was also grim. Here, Rodgers tried to zip a pass through an air-tight window to Robert Tonyan. This is a throw that Rodgers has made all the time, often leaving us wondering how in the world he was able to fit a throw into such a small space from so far away. Not this time. The aforementioned Joseph jumped the route for his first multi-interception since at least high school.
What was alarming about those interceptions (plus a few key third down failures) was the fact that there was no true X-factor to turn to in clutch situations. With Adams, it was inevitable who the ball was going to when the Packers needed a big play, yet he and Rodgers were so good that it often didn’t matter if the defense knew the ball was going Adams’ way. Now, Rodgers has been forced to turn to Lazard, Sammy Watkins and David freakin’ Bakhtiari in situations where it’s always been Adams who got the call. With all due respect to those three, those aren’t the guys you want to turn to when you need a big play the most in 2022.
The Packers are stuck in a deep, dark hole with seemingly no way out. With the Packers’ loss to the Lions and the Vikings becoming quite possibly the quietest 7-1 team in NFL history, Green Bay trails its purple-and-gold brethren by over three games, and it doesn’t get easier from here. In fact, the Packers’ remaining opponents are a combined 40-26, good for the league’s most difficult schedule the rest of the way. Alright, I’m done being negative. Let’s move on to sunnier topics.
Quote: “It all happened so fast…so…fast.” – Kevin Malone
Subject: The Dolphins offense being so…fast!
In baseball, a select few pitchers throughout history have possessed fastballs that were so fast that hitters simply couldn’t do anything about them. Walter Johnson’s nickname, “The Big Train,” was given to him in part because his “blinding” fastball sounded and moved like an express train, which was the fastest moving vehicle when Johnson was in the majors during the 1910s and 1920s. Nolan Ryan is widely considered one of the best and most feared pitchers in baseball because of a signature heater that is rumored to have once traveled at 108 miles per hour.
But the thing about Johnson, Ryan and other revered flamethrowers was that hitters were being consistently blown away by the speed of the ball, not the actual pitchers themselves. While Ryan probably had at least solid foot speed, hitters had to deal with Ryan’s pitches, not Ryan himself (except Robin Ventura). With Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle, defenses have to deal with lightning speed of not one, but two actual human beings, which has been…a chore. While Hill and Waddle leaving defenses in the dust is obviously nothing new if you’ve paid attention to the Dolphins this season, this past Sunday was simply another example of that.
Hill, who’s currently on pace to become the only receiver in NFL history to surpass 2,000 receiving yards in a season, was toasting Chicago’s defensive backs all afternoon, finishing with 143 receiving yards on seven catches with a touchdown. Waddle had a solid day himself, registering five catches for 85 yards and a touchdown. This is the eighth game where either Hill or Waddle has racked up 85 receiving yards in a game. Like numerous secondaries that have faced the Dolphins this season, the Bears couldn’t seem to keep up. Look how much space Hill created on this wheel route that put him over the 1K mark on the season.
Did you notice how Hill had to stop and wait for that throw from Tua Tagovailoa? That’s happened quite a bit this season. In order to quell the angry TuaNon mob that just magically appeared right outside of my dorm, my point is that Hill and Waddle are so fast and create separation so quickly that it’s become difficult for Tagovailoa to hit them in stride. Does Tagovailoa not have as strong of an arm as one may like, especially considering the receivers that he has at his disposal? Yes. Is it objectively difficult to hit these human Bugattis in stride? Also yes.
But even though Hill and Waddle are naturally lethal threats deep downfield, and that Tagovailoa has struggled putting the ball in the breadbasket from long-range, the Dolphins have been mainly gashing defenses over the middle. Heading into Sunday, Tagovailoa had twice as many completions over the middle of the field as any other quarterback despite missing two games. Running an offense that heavily works the middle of the field is a cheat code with speedsters like Hill and Waddle, especially because they often don’t run simple quick slants. Oftentimes, they’ll extend their initial pre-inward break farther than a normal slant, which causes defenders to back up a lot due to the threat of a go route, so by the time they cut inside, they’ve created so much space simply because of the threat of a deep shot.
The most interesting part about it is that there doesn’t seem to be an answer for it. It’s not like Hill and Waddle’s routes are being heavily schemed up; oftentimes, they’re either just running past defensive backs or catching shorter routes with a heavy cushion because defensive backs are so worried about getting beat deep. It’s truly fascinating stuff, and if a defense is somehow able to keep up with them…fasten your seatbelts, because that would be quite something.
Quote: “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?” — Pam Beesly
Subject: Justin Fields flourishing…finally!
After the Bears lost a deflating Thursday night contest to the Commanders a few weeks ago, we compared Chicago’s support system around Justin Fields to an ecosystem that was “constantly on fire, almost always lacks food and keeps getting flooded with invasive species.” Ever since then, Chicago’s offense has done a complete 180 degree turnaround. The Bears bamboozled the Patriots in primetime, and although their defense literally got run over by Tony Pollard against the Cowboys, the Bears’ offense looked…potent! It looked like a normal NFL offense that effectively maximized their players’ talents, and that was exactly the case on Sunday.
Against the Dolphins on Sunday, Fields looked like a bird in a thriving jungle. This is the third week in a row that the Bears’ offense has looked, well, normal! Fields played freely; not a reckless kind of free, but more like a dog-on-a-beach kind of free. With his offensive line doing a pretty good job of protecting him, Fields actually had time to make thorough reads and didn’t have to make nearly as many panic plays as he has in the past. Even on a play where Miami’s pass rush got home, there was enough of a hole up the middle that allowed Fields to make magic with his legs.
Fields’ 178 yards on the ground were the most ever by a quarterback in a regular season game (Colin Kaepernick had 181 in a playoff game). But it wasn’t just his massive success on the ground that was so encouraging. Fields tossed a career-high three touchdowns with no turnovers on Sunday, looking confident in a pocket that seemed to be sturdy for the first time in forever. The best part about two of those touchdowns were the play designs that got the receivers open. The first one to Cole Kmet was off of a beautiful play-action play. Taking the snap from under center, Fields held the ball until the last possible second, not indicating he was going to pass until almost every Dolphin defender had committed to the run. Once Fields hit Kmet on the rollout, Equanimous St. Brown threw an outstanding block to clear the way for a touchdown. This is what a good offense looks like!
But it was the second touchdown to Darnell Mooney that might’ve been even prettier. Pay close attention to the bottom of your screen. Mooney is able to shake free from Dolphins safety Eric Rowe, running a beautiful fade to the left corner of the end zone; now the onus is on Fields to deliver an accurate throw. If you look close enough, you can actually see a beautiful rainbow form in the ball’s wake as Fields delivers a flawless spiral for a touchdown.
After the Patriots game, I wondered if the Bears’ offense had actually turned the corner; when I say “turned the corner”, I’m more so talking about going from horrendous to normal versus normal to unstoppable machine. It has been three games, and I think it’s safe to say that the Bears’ offense has achieved normalcy, something that has eluded Justin Fields throughout his entire young career. This is how you allow your prize prospect to grow. This is an environment that’s built for success, and if the good play-calling continues, the ascension will only continue.
Quote: “You all took a life today…the life of a party.” – MIchael Scott
Subject: Baker Mayfield subbing in for PJ Walker
Last week, PJ Walker was on top of the world. Although his team came up short in part due to DJ Moore illegally displaying natural human emotion and Eddy Pinero screwing up multiple times, Carolina never had a chance to beat the Falcons if not for Walker’s heroics. The former Houston Roughneck played exceptionally, throwing for 317 passing yards (the first 300-yard passing game by a Panther since October 2020), albeit a bad interception. But Walker’s Luther Vandross-style one shining moment came when he unleashed arguably one of the greatest throws of all-time to miraculously put the Panthers in position to steal the NFC South lead (somehow) at the end of regulation. If that was Josh Allen or Patrick Mahomes, the internet would’ve unquestionably imploded out of pure shock and awe.
For a franchise that has endured a vicious revolving door at quarterback ever since Cam Newton prior to the 2019 season (which included a failed Newton reunion last year), it felt for a moment like they had finally achieved some sort of stability at signal-caller. For Walker, it felt like a massive step in a classic rags-to-riches story. He looked like a legit NFL quarterback in Atlanta, and his miracle heave was simply the cherry on top. On Sunday, those feelings disappeared as if Thanos had snapped his fingers.
When Adam Schefter tweeted that Baker Mayfield would start the second half against the Bengals, my face was similar to the one I made when Walker turned into Dan Marino for a play against the Falcons. Walker had just come off the best performance by a Carolina quarterback in recent memory, and Mayfield seemed to accept his role as a backup after looking all out of sorts to start the season. The two could not have been on more opposite trajectories. Sure, the Bengals were up 35-0 at halftime, and Joe Mixon was on a tear of all tears. “But Walker couldn’t have been that bad…right?” I asked myself as I checked the box score for the first time.
It was, in fact, that bad.
Walker looked completely out of sync on Sunday, completing only three of ten passes while throwing two porous interceptions, igniting celebrations with snow angels and the dance from “Remember the Titans”. But perhaps the worst part about Walker’s afternoon was that Mayfield looked totally rejuvenated in the second half, completing 14 of 20 passes for 155 yards and two touchdowns. Like fellow supplanted starter Mitch Trubisky did against the Chargers earlier this season, Mayfield was slinging it like he had something to prove. Did most of Mayfield’s production come with the Panthers down by a lot? Yes. Did he look really good? Also yes.
The Panthers are now back where they were prior to Week 1, except this time, we’ve seen how low the valleys can go with Mayfield at the helm. Will any of this matter if they draft one of Bryce Young or C.J. Stroud next year? Maybe not. Can we expect this version of Mayfield from here on out? I haven’t a clue. However, Carolina’s current reality is suddenly bleak, which really stinks considering that Walker literally was the life of an eternally dead part just a week ago.
Quote: “I’m not saying I’m Superman, but, let me just put it this way, if I were shot in the head, I’m pretty sure everything would be fine.” – DeAngelo Vickers
Subject: Justin Herbert willing the Chargers to victory once again
The injury bug has been particularly harsh to the Chargers in 2022. Rashawn Slater and Joey Bosa, two integral players at two incredibly valuable positions, suffered season-ending injuries early in the season. J.C. Jackson remains on injured reserve. Heck, their starting kicker, Dustin Hopkins, had to miss Sunday’s game after heroically pushing through a hamstring injury two weeks ago.
But the unit that’s been hit the hardest with injuries has been the passing game. Justin Herbert has been dealing with a rib injury ever since he cracked them at the start of the season. Keenan Allen, Herbert’s trusty WR1, had his three-year old hamstring injury act up again. Mike Williams, an outlier 50-50 ball winner, couldn’t suit up against the Falcons because of an ankle injury. Jalen Guyton, the lone speedster amongst LA’s pass-catchers, is out for the season with a torn ACL. Here’s a list of all the Chargers wideouts that were on the active roster for Sunday’s road trip to Atlanta:
Josh Palmer
DeAndre Carter
Michael Bandy
Jason Moore Jr.
Keelan Doss
Christopher Tatum
You’ve probably never heard of at least some of these guys, and I don’t blame you, especially because Christopher Tatum isn’t a real NFL player that I just made up to prove a point. Herbert and Co. rolled into Atlanta depleted, but that hasn’t stopped Herbert before. Herbert continued to throw rifles against the Chiefs despite literally cracking his ribs. He converted numerous fourth downs and threw a game-tying, buzzer-beating touchdown pass to keep LA’s playoff chances alive in the fever dream that was the final regular season game of 2021-22. Herbert rose up under dire circumstances before; he has proven he can be Superman in the past, and Sunday was another opportunity to do so.
While his performance wasn’t anything Herculean, it certainly uplifted the Chargers. Herbert completed nearly 70% of his passes for 245 yards and a touchdown. For most of the game, it didn’t look like Herbert was missing his top two pass-catchers plus his lone field-stretcher. Yes, he threw an interception, but…this was the interception.
Despite a solid performance, the Chargers still found themselves in a tie game late, needing a score to win in regulation. With 46 seconds left and the ball within field goal range, Austin Ekeler, who’d only lost one fumble since 2019, coughed up the football, which rolled right into the hands of Falcons defensive lineman Ta’Quon Graham. Now, Graham isn’t like most defensive lineman; Graham is fast. The sophomore’s 4.89 second 40-yard dash as well as his 10 and 20-yard splits that were recorded at his pro day in 2021 placed him in the “elite” category of the Relative Athletic Score, which is essentially how athletic a player is relative to their size. When Graham scooped up the fumble, he turned on the afterburners. After zooming past most of LA’s offensive line, only Herbert and DeAndre Carter stood in the way of a potential game-winning scoop and score.
It was at this point where the football gods and goddesses intervened. This matchup between two franchises who’ve experienced heavy doses of late-game mishaps in recent years had chaos written all over it. Sure, there had already been some chaotic moments in this game, such as Palmer’s spot-on Evan Engram impersonation and Marcus Mariota overthrowing a wide-open Kyle Pitts for a would-be go-ahead touchdown. But that was clearly not enough to satisfy the higher football powers. They wanted more. Since they were running out of time, they decided to cram as much chaos as possible into one sequence, and the result didn’t disappoint.
As Graham fixates on Herbert, who’s prepared to sacrifice his throwing shoulder to prevent a touchdown, the ghost of Dwight Freeney (or something like that, I don’t know) knocks the ball out of Graham’s hands. The most shocking part was the force with which the ball fell out of Graham’s grasp actually looked like someone had executed a textbook punchout. Matt Feiler, who was trailing the blazing Graham the whole way, falls on top of the ball to give possession back to the Chargers.
The Chargers would go on to win courtesy of Cameron Dicker’s second game-winning field goal of the season for his second different team. Although it felt like the Chargers Charger-ing would cost them yet again, the Falcons Falcon’d for the second week in a row, only this time, it actually lost them the game. The Chargers are now somehow 5-3 despite being terribly stricken by injury, their coach nearly sabotaging a game and their running back leading the team in receptions five times. What a beautiful sport.
Quote: “Holy sh**.” – Clark Green
Subject: Patrick Mahomes