For this week’s NFL recap, I have once again decided to merge two things that I love very much; football and “The Office”. I believe that weaving in the incredible quotability of the NBC phenomenon with the highs and lows of NFL football will make for spectacular content. I take great joy in creating a world where Pam Beesly and Russell Wilson share a commonality, where Michael Scott has something to do with Patrick Mahomes. Oh, what a beautiful world that is.
“Holy sh*t.” – Clark Green
An instant classic in Buffalo
The 2022-23 NFL season has largely been defined by mediocrity up to this point. Teams that we thought were going to be good or at least pleasantly surprising such as the (deep inhale) Broncos, Buccaneers, Colts, Jaguars, Lions, Packers, Raiders, Rams and Saints have all, well, not been that. There have been numerous primetime games where it might’ve been better for our mental health if we didn’t watch them. Scoring and overall offensive explosiveness have sharply declined. While the talent across the league is abundant, the amount of high-quality football games has been anything but so far.
Enter the Vikings and Bills. In only the fourth matchup between teams with +.500 records since Week 7, the two actually-good teams played an actually-incredible game that featured actually-quality football. Buffalo’s defense dominated for most of the game, and there were several times where Josh Allen looked like an actual buffalo in the open field. Despite the Bills being up by 17 in the fourth quarter, Minnesota wouldn’t be denied. When Dalvin Cook broke loose for the longest touchdown of his NFL career, that’s where things got interesting.
On the ensuing drive, Josh Allen marched the Bills offense deep into enemy territory like a brilliant war general, 67 yards to be exact. However, the Vikings defense stood stall, causing a forced throw by Allen that was picked off by Patrick Peterson on fourth down. The Vikings then converted two fourth downs en route to another touchdown that pulled them within thre-oh dear, Greg Joseph just missed his fourth extra point of the season, keeping the deficit at four (this will be important later). After forcing a punt, the Vikings got the ball back with seemingly one last shot to score.
Facing a fourth-and-eighteen, the Vikings needed a miracle. As Kirk Cousins threw a pass that looked like he had his eyes closed when he released it, Justin Jefferson was the only white jersey in the area who had even a slim chance of coming down with the football.
In 2007, the NBA created an ad campaign with the tagline, “Where Amazing Happens.” If the NFL ever does something similar, this catch ought to be in it.
A few weeks ago, I felt obligated to put on my armor and defend the Odell Beckham Jr. catch as the greatest catch ever after George Pickens made a pretty incredible one himself on Thursday Night Football. Heck, Stefon Diggs had an amazing one-handed catch of his own earlier in the game. But this one…hoo boy. This one is different. First, we must consider the level of difficulty. OBJ had to use the entirety of his wingspan while also being dragged down by Marcus Carr and having the sideline directly behind him. Beckham not only fought through the DPI, but he caught the ball with three fingers, stayed in bounds and maintained enough balance to fall in the end zone for a touchdown. Jefferson also had to use every inch of his right arm, was in mid-air and had to somehow wrestle the ball out of Cam Lewis’ grasp with one hand while Lewis had two on the ball. Not only did Jefferson take control of the ball while the entire lower-half of his body was suspended in mid-air, he miraculously contorted his arm and mustered up enough hand strength to where the ball never even touched the ground as he completed a full revolution upon hitting the turf with his backside.
We also have to consider the situation. OBJ’s catch happened at the beginning of the second quarter in a game the eventual 6-10 Giants lost; it’s not like he needed to pull off something mind-boggling to win his team the game or keep playoff hopes alive. If Jefferson doesn’t test the limits of gravity, physics and human ability all in one flawless motion, the Vikings probably lose the game, and we don’t get to see Patrick Peterson dancing shirtless on an airplane rocking an inordinate amount of neck jewelry. All in all, there is, at the very least, a serious argument for Jefferson to claim the throne. If OBJ hadn’t literally inspired an entire generation of football players with his three-fingered miracle, I would say Jefferson’s was number one. Regardless, the catch was breathtaking, and this game wasn’t even close to being done!
After the miracle sent from the higher football powers, the Vikings drove all the way down to Buffalo’s one-yard line, where they faced a game-deciding fourth down. The call was a QB sneak…which went absolutely nowhere. Buffalo took over on downs, which prompted the Bills social media team to proclaim that the game was over. But here’s the thing: the ball was inside of Buffalo’s one-yard line, meaning that Josh Allen couldn’t just kneel out the clock, or else it’d be a safety. The only other time there’d been a high-stakes situation like this was in Super Bowl XLIX; after Malcolm Butler’s heroic interception, the Patriots, like the Bills, took possession inside of their own one-yard line. Out of all the epic Tom Brady QB sneaks, this one was going to be the most intense…until Michael Bennett jumped offsides, unfortunately robbing us of even more chaos.
Back to Buffalo. Instead of executing a game-sealing sneak, Allen’s brain went way faster than his body, as he fumbled the snap trying to catch the defense off-guard with a quick snap. Eric Kendricks fell on it, and all of a sudden, the Vikings had the lead. But once again, Allen went into 2021 AFC Championship Patrick Mahomes mode, piloting a 69-yard drive in just 39 seconds to set up Tyler Bass for an overtime-forcing field goal.
After the Vikings settled for a field goal on their opening OT possession, Allen got the Bills to the Minnesota 20-yard line in the blink of an eye. An incomplete pass to Dawson Knox brought up second down (this is important for later). This is where we stop and discuss a topic completely unrelated to football: lobotomies. A lobotomy is a surgical procedure performed on the brain in which the patient has their prefrontal lobe intentionally damaged; this procedure is usually done on people with schizophrenia or some sort of mental illness that causes radical feelings such as extreme tension or hallucinations via specific neural connections in the brain. Basically, the patient has a sizable chunk of their cranium removed.
Now, we relate this to football. Allen might be the best quarterback I’ve ever seen who also has moments where it feels like his entire brain has been hollowed out. Last week, he threw not one, but two interceptions where it seemed like Jordan Whitehead and Sauce Gardner, who are not on the same team as Allen, were the intended receivers. Returning to the present day, Allen had already thrown one bad interception, but it was on fourth down, so there wasn’t much reason not to at least attempt a frozen rope into traffic. This time, however, was different. Once again, it is second down. There’s no need to force anything, but that’s exactly what Allen did, throwing a dart into a space more crowded than the 405 freeway that ended the game.
That’s two weeks in a row where multiple egregious mistakes from Allen cost Buffalo a win. For Minnesota, their 8-1 record has gained a lot more legitimacy. For Jefferson, his 10-catch, 139-yard afternoon will forever be a part of receiving nirvana. I’m just glad I was alive to witness it.
“You have unleashed a wolf.” – Dwight Schrute
Justin Fields (again)
According to the Internet, a “tonka” is a large automobile that is also very fast. It’s also a very funny-sounding word. The term has recently been popularized by the well-known rapper Yeat, who has written three songs titled “Tonka”, “Tonka 2” and “Big tonka”. Even in songs where he doesn’t explicitly mention a tonka in the title, he’s referred to tonka’s as cars that sport characteristics such as being colored matte black, having the windows tinted and being “big-bodied”. When deciphering which actual commercial cars qualify as tonka’s, Yeat has mentioned Bentley, Rolls Royce, Lamborghini and Maybach (a Mercedes-Benz owned car brand). Basically, tonka’s are the complete package, and we can thank the Portland-born rapper for popularizing the term.
In 2021, the Bears drafted a human tonka in Justin Fields. Everything that has happened with him from then to now has been discussed ad nauseam; the Bears took the tonka and crashed it so many times that it began to feel like football malpractice. The 227-pound Fields who ran a sub-4.5 40-yard dash and could unleash moon balls was being terribly misused. Last week, the Dolphins got run over by the human tonka, as Fields’ 178 yards on the ground were the most by a quarterback since Colin Kaepernick rushed for 181 in his playoff debut. It finally looked like Fields was being utilized properly, and yesterday was more of the same.
Over the past few weeks, the Bears finally started calling more designed runs for Fields, which is where he has gashed defenses the most. On Sunday, that trend continued. Watch Fields literally turn into a Lamborghini with a V8 engine on this 67-yard turf-torching run.
That wasn’t all. Fields showed off all the traits once again when he broke a tackle, zoomed to the left corner of the end zone and barreled through two Detroit defenders for a touchdown. Just normal quarterback stuff right there. Then, Fields also uncorked a deep shot to a wide open Cole Kmet for a 50-yard touchdown. While the throw was obviously excellent, The Ringer’s Rodger Sherman smartly pointed out an important aspect of the score.
Oftentimes, the simple threat of what a player can do in any sport causes opponents to react differently, which opens up opportunities for other players. Take Lamar Jackson, for example. Since he entered the league in 2018, Jackson has established himself as one of the league’s most terrifying dual-threat quarterbacks. Since he’s so dangerous on the ground, plus the fact that he has a lot of designed runs called for him, defenses have to have the utmost respect for him on the ground or else they might get burned. That level of respect creates plays like this one from last Monday night. Watch how, when Jackson is running like it’s a QB sweep, the entire Saints front seven beelines towards Jackson. The only problem is that it’s not a QB sweep, and while New Orleans was so fixated on Jackson, Isaiah Likely was able to sneak behind the defense for an easy touchdown.
Going back to Lions-Bears, Chicago did end up losing, as the game-sealing play saw Fields literally try to withstand a pack of lions by himself, only to get taken down by Julian Okwara. Fields finished with 147 yards and two touchdowns on the ground, which I’d say is pretty good! Was he perfect today? Absolutely not. He threw a porous pick-six to Jeff Okudah on a ball that was way off-target. But do we continue to see signs that Fields can be a superstar with the right pieces around him? You bet. This offseason, the Bears will be swimming in cap space; their $115 million in available spending money is over $45 million more than the next closest team. If the Bears use their money right, they could take a quantum leap in 2023 with Fields at the helm.
“You’re getting hypno-thighzed!” – Jim Halpert
Saquon Barkley gashing the Texans on the ground
Yes, the Texans sport the worst rushing defense in football. Yes, Barkley “only” ran for 4.3 yards per carry. And yes, the Giants barely hung on against the team that’s currently projected to pick first in next year’s NFL Draft. Do I care about that? Not really. What I do care about is the fact that Barkley was the engine that powered New York’s offense on Sunday, which is what the Giants have always wanted him to be.
Over the past few seasons, the Giants have tried their best to make Barkley the focal point of their offense after an electric rookie season. The only problem was that there would be multiple opposing jerseys in the backfield before Barkley even got the ball more times than not. New York’s treacherous offensive line helped produced box scores like these:
Eight carries, 10 yards
14 carries, 28 yards
13 carries, one (!) yard
15 carries, six yards
After seeing regression in 2019, missing almost all of 2020 with a knee injury and being hampered throughout 2021, questions arose about whether Barkley was worthy of a contract extension after this season. Heading into 2022, Barkley admitted that he felt the best he’d felt in a while, and the Giants had re-tooled their offensive line (on a budget. Thanks Dave Gettleman!). The results so far have been fantastic, and that’s been because of both Barkley’s return to full health and the offensive line looking like the best unit the Giants have had in years.
Take his touchdown as an example of New York’s offensive line taking a major step forward this season. Watch how well the right side of the line seals each of their defenders; with a couple of pancakes from Jon Feliciano and Joshua Ezeudu, Barkley had a clear path to the end zone.
Even prior to this week, Barkley was enjoying the clearest paths he’s seen since he entered the league in 2018. So much of what determines a running back’s success in an offense is the offensive line they run behind. Nick Chubb is obviously an incredibly talented running back, but his potential has been maximized further because of how good Cleveland’s offensive line has been over the past few seasons. On the contrary, Jonathan Taylor had struggled replicating last year’s supernova season for most of 2022 because of how poorly his offensive line had been playing. With Barkley, he’s always been one of the best miss-makers in the league as well as one of the most explosive, but his talents were minimized because of how few running lanes he had in front of him. That’s changed a lot this season. While the unit isn’t anywhere near the top, they’d played so poorly for so many years that even a step into the “average” tier would’ve felt humongous, which is exactly what’s happened.
Barkley finished the day with 152 rushing yards and a touchdown on 35 carries, the most rushing attempts he’d received in a game since he was a sophomore at Penn State. Another great part about New York’s rushing revival is that it’s opened up their passing game (this is exactly the same idea we discussed regarding Justin Fields and Lamar Jackson in this same column). For a team that’s struggled to run the ball for what seemed like forever, this season has been a refreshing change, and Sunday was simply another example of that.
“They don’t know about this job.” – Creed Bratton
Undefeated interim head coach Jeff Saturday
When Frank Reich was fired, I wasn’t surprised. The Colts had looked flat for most of the season. Matt Ryan looked a million years old and was replaced by Sam Ehlinger, who didn’t look much better. Indy’s once strong and sturdy offensive line had crumbled like a cookie. They’d fired their offensive coordinator. When things couldn’t seem to get worse (or weird, I’m not sure what the correct word here is), they hired Jeff Saturday, who became the only person to be hired as a head coach who had zero college or NFL coaching experience prior to getting hired.
Now this, this surprised me. We’d spent the last year and change talking about how certain head coaching candidates were being held to a different standard than others, which was all completely thrown out the window when Colts owner Jim Irsay said that he actually liked the fact that Saturday had no prior coaching experience beyond the high school level. This felt abominable. All we hear about coaching in the NFL is that it’s a different beast. It takes experience, lots of experience. Experience. It’s not just head coaching. More experienced and veteran-laden teams are more likely to make deep playoff runs than young and inexperienced teams in any sport. The schools that advance far in March Madness are almost always filled with upperclassmen. The hiring of Saturday went against most of what we knew about what it takes to be an NFL head coach.
So how did the Jeff Saturday-led Colts look on Sunday? Not bad, actually! It was one of their best performances of the season. Matt Ryan was extremely efficient and even scrambled for a 39-yard gain, the longest of his career and almost double his previous long of 20 back in 2010. Jonathan Taylor looked like Jonathan Taylor again. A receiver other than Michael Pittman Jr. got heavily involved through the air, as Parris Campbell registered a rock solid 7-76-1 line. Defensively, the Colts registered eight passes defended, including one by Stephon Gilmore that sealed the game.
My main takeaway from that game was that Indy looked like a well-coached team, which got me thinking: is head coaching actually as hard as people make it sound? If not, who else with no previous coaching experience beyond the high school level could make a good NFL coach?
Trent Dilfer: Bright football mind, has had success at the high school level and is a natural leader from his time playing quarterback in the NFL.
Dan Orlovsky: Similar reasoning as Dilfer, except he’s been able to show off his Mariana Trench-deep knowledge of the game on a larger platform at ESPN. He’s extremely well-spoken and knows what he’s talking about.
Larry Fitzgerald: I know he said he’d never want to coach, but man, having Fitz, the wonderful human being who’s also ridiculously knowledgeable of the game, as your head coach? That’s a team I’d want to play for.
Marshawn Lynch: We always talk about culture and how important it is to build a positive one. There aren’t many people that I think could build a more entertaining culture than Beastmode.