For this week’s NFL recap, I have once again decided to merge two things that I love very much; football and “The Office”. I believe that weaving in the incredible quotability of the NBC phenomenon with the highs and lows of NFL football will make for spectacular content. I take great joy in creating a world where Pam Beesly and Russell Wilson share a commonality, where Michael Scott has something to do with Patrick Mahomes. Oh, what a beautiful world that is.
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott
New Jets franchise quarterback Mike White
Group projects in school always have highly varying experiences. When you were with people that actually cared about the assignment at hand, the project was likely a positive experience, and you accomplished what you needed to accomplish. On the other hand, when no one seemed even the least bit interested in getting their work done, it was likely a frustrating experience, and you probably fell short of what you wanted to achieve.
Somewhere in the middle is a classic situation: everyone in the group does their part except one person, which ultimately holds your project back from reaching its fullest potential. For the Jets, that person was Zach Wilson. Ten games into the season, everyone else on the Jets seemed to be doing their part, especially the defense, who’ve legitimately been a top-six unit in 2022. The only person that wasn’t doing their part just happened to have the most important job on the team, and it especially mattered because the Jets are actually good.
In response to Wilson’s repeated disappointments, Mike White was named the starter for this week’s contest against the Bears. Here’s what you need to know about White. Lights-out pitcher in high school, a glistening 0.43 ERA to go along with a Louisville Slugger All-American honor in his junior year. Eventually decides to stick with football, leads his high school to a state championship and commits to South Florida to play quarterback. Gets off to a good start, but is eventually benched after a prolonged slump. Transfers to Western Kentucky and balls out in his final two seasons to a point where his primary NFL Draft comparison is Zach Mettenberger. Weirdly specific!
White gets drafted in the fifth round by the Cowboys, but is cut after two seasons. The Jets sign him a couple of weeks after he’s cut. He didn’t get an opportunity to start until Week 6 of last season against the Patriots. He plays okay. The next week against the Bengals, however, saw White erupt like a Hawaiin volcano. 37/45 completions, 405 yards, three touchdowns and a shocking upset victory over the Bengals later, Mike White is on the MAP. Wilson retakes the reins a couple of weeks later, but White is now known as the guy who lit the football world on fire for a game.
Flash forward to last week. The Jets announce that Wilson has crashed the car too many times, and that they’d be handing the keys to White against the Bears. Showtime.
In the midst of wacky weather conditions, it was as if sunshine and rainbows suddenly appeared over MetLife Stadium, as White led an Uber-efficient touchdown drive on New York’s opening possession. HIs final statline looked eerily similar to his heroic performance against Cincinnati last season; he completed a majority of his pass attempts for a lot of yards and three touchdowns. The vibes seemed to have completely shifted with the Jets, as they steamrolled Chicago en route to their seventh win of the season.
With the Jets, all they need from their quarterback is standard competence. They have solid receivers, solid running backs and a spectacular defense. All White needs to do is make the throws like the one shown above.
Another thing: leadership! It’s a pretty important component of being an NFL quarterback. A quarterback could have all the talent in the world, but if they don’t have the support of their teammates and the organization, a team can only go so far. On the other hand, a quarterback might not be all that good, but if they have unrivaled support from those around them and are winning games, that’s where success is more likely to happen (see: Taylor Heinicke).
White is a perfect example of this. With all due respect, he isn’t amongst the NFL’s elite signal-callers (yet). However, the Jets seem to love him. The shift in the players’ body language from last week to this week was unbelievably stark. Why the heck was Joe Flacco starting at the beginning of the season?
Taking a gander at Gang Green’s playoff outlook, it’s a tad murkier than I thought. Their remaining schedule goes as follows: at Minnesota, at Buffalo, Detroit, Jacksonville, at Seattle, at Miami. If the Jets win three of those, they’re likely in the playoffs. However, they still have to play three of the top eight teams in the league. Looking at their schedule makes the loss to New England that much more frustrating; if they’d gotten just a C performance out of their quarterback, the Jets are probably 8-3 instead of 7-4.
Hypotheticals aside, the Jets look to be in a far better position with White leading the charge. Are you ready for a Mike White-Ryan Tannehill AFC Championship?!
“Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor
Watching the Broncos offense sputter, but this time, the defense literally has something to say about it
The Panthers defeated the Broncos 23-10 on Sunday. Denver has still yet to score 24 points in a game this season. They are now 3-8.
I’ll start by saying that I’m an avid supporter of Miami Hurricanes athletics; my parents met at the university and were both pretty into sports, so naturally, I grew up in a ‘Canes household. While I’m a proud Missouri Tiger and always will be, there will forever be a special place in my heart for The U.
That being said, these past few seasons for the football team have really tested my loyalty to the orange and green, which is saying something because I was literally Stephen Morris for Halloween in 2013. After a fever-dream 2017 season that had Miami fans like myself on Cloud 10, the ‘Canes have taken a slow and painful nosedive ever since. Embarrassing losses defined Miami from 2018-21: A 35-3 shellacking at the hands of Wisconsin, a loss to Florida freaking International that was straight out of a Mike Lupica book, a 14-0 shutout to Louisiana Tech, and a 62-26 nationally-televised trainwreck against North Carolina were the lowest of low points.
Heading into 2022 with a new head coach and an elite quarterback, I once again talked myself into Miami being at least somewhat back.
While being let down was nothing new, nothing could have prepared for the complete and utter circus act that has unfolded this season. Allow me to enter old-school talk-radio mode for a second.
You know what they say about rock bottom? That there’s nowhere to go but up? If that were the case, this team should consider becoming miners as a backup job in case the whole football thing doesn’t work out because they seem to dig a new rock bottom every week. Considering that the freefall began all the way back on September 24 against Middle Tennessee State (who then proceeded to lose four of their next five games), the ‘Canes likely ended the season in the vicinity of Earth’s core.
All that’s to say that I feel like Broncos fans have felt similarly about their team this season. It’s been a few weeks since the peak of negative Broncos discourse, and I must say, it was pretty refreshing to not have to talk about them. But alas, we have returned.
I’m sure you’ve seen the stat: Denver’s 14.7 points per game this late into the season is the lowest since the Browns averaged 10.7 in 2000. The University of Colorado’s football team, which has a) had arguably the worst season in school history post-WWII, finishing 1-11, b) lost ten games by at least 21 points, and c) scored over 21 points only once, has averaged more points per game than the Broncos have so far.
But why? Why are we talking about them again? First, the Broncos offense looked anemic once again, having almost as many combined punts and lost fumbles as points on Sunday. But the biggest reason we’re talking about them is this.
Purcell and Wilson downplayed the interaction after the game, with Wilson saying that Purcell was just trying to ignite something positive, yelling at Wilson “we’ve got to effing go”. Even if that was the case, Purcell’s body language indicated serious frustration, a representation of all of Broncos country as Denver’s season is looking a lot closer to unsalvageable.
Remember the group project analogy I used with Zach Wilson earlier? The same can apply to Wilson and the Broncos defense. Sure, Denver’s defense wasn’t amazing on Sunday against a porous Panthers offense, but at some point, the offense has to be at least decent, which the Wilson & Co. haven’t. Also, Denver’s defense has actually been amazing for most of the season! The 23 points they gave up against Carolina were the second-most points Denver has allowed all season. I think it’s safe to say that the Broncos trading for Wilson and giving him the contract they did will go down as one of the worst transactions in, at the very least, recent memory. To add some more salt to the wound, the first-round pick they gave to the Seahawks as a part of the trade has a very good chance of landing in the top five. Broncos fans, the season is almost over. For now, just hang in there. It will end eventually.
“I want you to watch this, and I want you all to burn this into your brains, because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time. Whenever you come into the office, I want you to think about this.” — Michael Scott
Sean Taylor’s “memorial”
I try not to get too angry about much in life. Anger isn’t a fun emotion to experience. No one usually benefits from someone being angry. There are plenty of times in my life where I have gotten angry, and I can recollect almost none of them having any positive effect on both myself and others who might’ve been around me.
That being said, the Commanders were set to unveil a memorial dedicated to Sean Taylor inside of FedEx Field on Sunday, which was the 15th anniversary of Taylor’s tragic death. This is what was unveiled.
Once again, I grew up a Miami Hurricanes fan; Sean Taylor highlights were abundant on my YouTube history, and my dad would always tell me how incredible he was on those legendary early-2000’s Miami teams. As I watched Taylor play, I marveled at how a single player could have such a seismic impact on the game. I also grew up in Maryland. While I was barely alive in Taylor’s professional heyday, it was easy to see that Taylor meant a lot to Washington fans. He was a superstar in his short time in the NFL.
When the curtain was removed, my heart sank a little bit. That was his memorial? That’s how the franchise decided to honor a man like Taylor? I tried not to get too upset, but this made me very unhappy. The wiry mannequin looks like something I’d find in an Under Armour store. They didn’t even replicate the facemask tape! You know, a uniquely awesome part of Taylor? From an organization like Washington under Dan Snyder, I probably should’ve kept my expectations low, yet here we are.
Feeling the way I was feeling, I decided to look up what an actual bronze statue would’ve (roughly) cost. While a bronze statue isn’t inexpensive, it’s not an astronomical cost that’ll put a massive dent into a team’s budget. For example, the statue of legendary Mizzou men’s basketball coach Norm Stewart, unveiled in 2017, cost $196,000, which would equal about $238,000 in 2022. The Stan Musial statue outside of Busch Stadium was $35,000 when it was paid for in 1963; adjusting for inflation, that equates to almost $341,000 today.
On the surface, it’s an expensive endeavor. However, we must consider the fact that the Commanders organization is making probably hundreds of millions of dollars, and the team would sell for around $5 billion should Snyder choose to do so. There’s a lot of money to be spent, and I feel as if it wouldn’t have greatly impacted Washington’s finances to invest in an actual bronze statue for one of the brightest stars the franchise has ever seen wear their jersey.
Look, Taylor’s family, including his daughter, Jackie, seemed happy about the memorial, and that’s all that should matter at the end of the day. In fact, there was even a mural designed by Taylor’s uncle that was unveiled to honor Sean as well. However, I feel as if Washington could’ve done better. A lot better.
On a more positive note…
“Oh my god, something’s happening!” – Michael Scott
The Commanders throwing their hat into the NFC playoff ring
On the field, the Commanders are rolling. It hasn’t been pretty, but with their victory over the Falcons on Sunday as well as Seattle’s overtime loss to Las Vegas, Washington currently holds the seventh seed in the NFC after looking like anything but a playoff team to start the season.
On offense, a star is emerging in Washington’s backfield. Since his debut in Week 5, Brian Robinson Jr. has been doing a spectacular John Riggins impersonation. Watch him absolutely bulldoze Darren Hall on his way to a touchdown.
This has been a theme with Robinson throughout the season. Even in games where he hasn’t racked up a ton of rushing yards, his snowplow style of running has been extremely admirable. You know what else is admirable? His friendship! After the game, Robinson was sporting a comically large Commanders hat that he said was his friend’s brand. If you ever want a gargantuan cap of your own, head on over to nogginboss.com.
Defensively, the Commanders have been quietly awesome for awhile, as they haven’t allowed more than 24 points in a game since Week 4. They came up with the biggest play of the afternoon, as Kendall Fuller picked off a tipped pass in the end zone to seal the victory.
Now sitting at 7-5, the Commanders suddenly have control over a very clear path to the playoffs. They play the Giants, the current six seed in the NFC, twice. Considering that nine wins likely gets you into the playoffs in the NFC, a sweep over Big Blue would likely guarantee Washington a spot in the top seven.
Taylor Heinicke is still the man, even if he isn’t playing too great. The backfield is strong. The receivers are making plays. The defense has elevated its game drastically from last season. The Commies aren’t anywhere near the upper echelon of contenders, but they’re certainly looking a little more dangerous by the week.
“Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me.” – Dwight Schrute
Brandon Staley and Doug Pederson going for it…and converting
I’m extremely disappointed in myself that it took me this long to find this quote. I can’t think of a quote-subject marriage better than this one from Dwight and Brandon Staley. It’s perfect!
With 15 seconds left in regulation, Austin Ekeler barely crossed the goal line to put the Chargers within one of the Cardinals. For Staley, this situation was his one shining moment. The king of aggressive coaching had a platinum chance to prove that he was just that. And Staley took it.
In Jacksonville, the Jaguars found themselves in a nearly identical situation. After Trevor Lawrence connected with Marvin Jones Jr. to pull the Jags within one, Doug Pederson was also feeling a little extra ambitious as well. Just like the Chargers, Jacksonville converted and ultimately won, but not before Justin Tucker nearly sent the NFL universe into mass hysteria for the second year in a row.
Going back to the computer discourse, you may be wondering if going for two down by one with under 20 seconds left is the right call. Thankfully, our good friend Seth Walder from ESPN has the answer to that exact question in an article he published in January that discussed when coaches should and shouldn’t go for fourth downs and two-point conversions.
“This generally comes up when a team scores late in the fourth quarter and considers going for two to win rather than the PAT to tie. Usually, it still is better to kick the PAT because if the team converts a 2-point play, that will encourage unbridled aggression from the opponent. It is acceptable to go for two when the opponent cannot realistically mount a FG drive on the ensuing possession, like when there are, say, less than 20 seconds remaining.”
So they weren’t crazy going for it! Good to know. Thank you, Seth! Perhaps this is another reminder that you should go for it, that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, that you’re only going to get so many opportunities like this in your life. Tonight, we raise a glass to the computers. Not in all things (see: the BCS), but specifically regarding going for it. To analytics!
(Hypothetical crowd of people that all have glasses in their hands) TO ANALYTICS!