The Bengals are (probably) back
I knew the day was going to go Cincy’s way when Joe Burrow turned into Super Bowl Eli Manning.
The steely spirit of Burrow had indeed returned. 19 consecutive completions, 28/32 overall, three touchdowns, no turnovers, seven different receivers with a reception. The wait for Cincinnati to look like a Super Bowl contender took a little longer than the previous two seasons, but alas, here they are.
After looking constrained and compromised over the first few weeks of the season, the Bengals finally opened up the entire field against the 49ers. A lot of that seemed to be because of Burrow looking like his normal self again. Held back by a calf injury, Burrow looked like an aging pocket passer; he could barely move around, and other than their win over the Cardinals a couple of weeks ago, the Bengals weren’t very diverse and couldn’t stretch the field offensively. It made defending them a lot easier.
Now, Burrow’s calf looks to be healed. In fact, he said it was himself.
“It’s feeling really good. It felt pretty much back to normal,” Burrow said. “It was nice to get back to moving again, making plays for my team.”
This is obviously huge for the rest of Cincinnati’s season. Burrow being at least close to 100% not only allows Brian Callahan to be more diverse in his playcalling, but it also allows Burrow to make magic happen out-of-structure like he did above.
Also part of the Bengals returning to their old selves was their defense stepping up when it mattered the most. One thing that’d defined the past two seasons of Bengals football was clutch defensive plays.
Germaine Pratt came up with a wild one-handed interception inside of Cincinnati’s 10-yard line that saved a touchdown and thwarted a lengthy San Francisco offensive drive. On the first play of the next Niners offensive drive, Logan Wilson picked off Brock Purdy; he and Pratt are in the lead for most combined interceptions by two linebackers on the same team. To put the cherry on top, Trey Hendrickson sack fumbled Purdy, and the loose ball was recovered by BJ Hill to seal the win.
After Hill’s game-clinching fumble recovery, Hendrickson pointed to the sky. Perhaps he was pointing to someone up above a-la Happy Gilmore. Maybe he was just really happy, and he was enacting a human’s natural response to victory which, according to science, is to raise their arms. For the purpose of this column, let’s say that Hendrickson’s point signaled to the football gods that the Bengals are back.
THE COWBOYS HAMMER THE RAMS AND I’M TYPING THIS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT FEELS WATCHING THE COWBOYS DEFENSE AND SPECIAL TEAMS
I would type this section in all caps too, but that’d be a lot for you all to process, which is EXACTLY WHAT THE COWBOYS PROBABLY WERE TO THE RA-
Ok, in all seriousness, the Cowboys probably made everyone who despised the offensive revolutions in sports very happy (it’s not just football. I’m looking at you too, basketball). It’d be silly to act like they didn’t get smoked a few weeks ago in San Francisco, but it’d be equally as silly to not acknowledge their ceiling defensively and how it can end games before they start.
This is the sixth time in the past two seasons the Cowboys have had a defense/special teams performance like this, one where the two units make the offense look like a complementary means of scoring. They’ve done it against the Giants, Jets and Patriots this season, and they did it to the Lions and Colts last season. While it wasn’t a takeaway-fest like the aforementioned five games were — the Cowboys forced three or more turnovers in each of them — Dallas’ defense and special teams generated nine points, great field position and a Sleep Number-thick cushion for their offense. By the time Prescott took the field for just the fourth time, Dallas was already up by 23.
These kinds of games are reminiscent of how UConn men’s basketball romped their way to a national championship this past season (I’m unsure of how strong the NFL/college basketball crossover is amongst Americans, but here we go anyways). Playing the Huskies was like playing an avalanche. They’d jump out to humongous leads early, and if their opponent showed even remnants of a resurgence, they’d already be up by so much that it would’ve taken a colossal collapse for them to be taken down. Beautifully complex offensive sets and a terrifyingly coherent fastbreak left UConn’s opponents in a tizzy; it felt like there were more than five Huskies on the floor at a time. When the Cowboys are on defensively, it feels exactly like that.
Again, this is merely the ceiling of an elite, yet opportunistic defense; the distance between the highs and lows is still large. However, we got yet another sight of the summit, and it’s one that few other teams can likely reach.
The Chiefs make the Broncos look good
When I watched “Space Jam” for the first time many years ago, seeing all of the NBA superstars’ basketball abilities get stripped from them by the Monstars made me think “what if this actually happened in an NBA game?”
Well, we got just about the closest thing to it in an NFL game when the Chiefs fell to the Broncos. Patrick Mahomes, who was apparently dealing with the flu, certainly looked ill all afternoon. Just like Patrick Ewing & Co. in Space Jam, Mahomes looked like he was missing something. Sure, he made a handful of nice throws and scrambled for a few positive gains, but there wasn’t the same…juice. The little dash of fairy dust that makes Mahomes look immortal wasn’t there.
In a clunker like Sunday, turnovers become especially important, and the Broncos came away with five of them versus just one for Kansas City. On a day that saw their AFC title contending counterpart in Cincinnati return to their old selves, Mahomes looked far from his usual self. All in all, the Chiefs fell to the Broncos for the first time since September 17, 2015; that same day, Deshaun Watson led Clemson to a 20-17 victory over Louisville, who’s starting QB, Kyle Bolin, was being backed up by some freshman named Lamar Jackson.
I don’t think this is going to be a trend going forward (unless Mahomes keeps contracting illnesses).The hope is that Mahomes & Co. can “Shake It O-
(tomato comes flying at me from the audience)
Quick(ish) hitters
DeAndre Hopkins registers a hat trick
It’s Week 9 of the 2012 college football season. DeAndre Hopkins is a junior at Clemson. Against Duke, he caught four passes for 128 yards and three touchdowns. His three scores come via Hopkins either dunking on a defensive back or Tajh Boyd launching a moonshot towards him streaking open deep down the field.
Flash forward 4,012 days later. It’s Week 8 of the 2023 NFL season. Just like he was at Clemson in 2012, Hopkins is a veteran on a team located in the south. Against another team located in the south, he catches four passes…for 128 yards…and three touchdowns. His three scores came via Hopkins either dunking on a defensive back (albeit a little illegally the first time) or a QB from the east coast (Boyd is from Virginia, and Will Levis is from Massachusetts) launching a moonshot towards him streaking open deep down the field.
What a funny little parallel. I stretched it as far as I could, but I think I got there.
After the game, Hopkins said that people had written him off like Geno Smith. While his writing off had more to do with the situation he was entering rather than his actual skill level (the Titans have a weird history with killing the careers of aging superstar receivers), it was still cool to see Hopkins flourish like this for the first time in a while. The last time he registered at least 34.8 PPR points in a single game (his point total on Sunday)? 2018. It was the second hat trick of his NFL career, with the other coming in 2017. I’m almost always all for something that reminds me of the mid to late-2010’s.
Also, it’d be foolish to not mention how well Levis played in his NFL debut. His Next Gen Stats chart looked closer to a baseball player’s spray chart, as Levis was throwing dots all day long. There was a throw he made against Florida last season that gave me the first real indicator that Levis was a pro-caliber QB; it was a rainbow, perfect spiral and all, 60 yards down the field that was perfectly placed for his receiver to jump up and snare it out of the air. This isn’t revisionist history on Levis; I didn’t think he was a first-rounder. However, Levis made several throws on Sunday that looked very similar to the one he made against Florida.
Finally, a side note on Hopkins’ three-touchdown afternoon: can we normalize throwing hats onto the field if a non-QB scores three touchdowns in a game like they do in hockey? I understand that the distance from the stands to the playing field is a lot bigger in football than in hockey. I’m thinking that we can supplement the need for a longer throw by loading hats into cannons and firing them towards midfield like we’re in the midst of war. I think that would be quite fun.
Speaking of hat tricks…
The Gus Bus arrives at the touchdown station three times (another tomato comes flying at me from the audience)
There’ve been many players throughout sports history who fans have sworn would’ve been awesome had they been given more playing time.
For several seasons, Gus Edwards has been a prominent part of that list. In 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2022, Edwards averaged at least five yards per carry, which were all top-12 marks in the league. The only problem for Edwards was that he was never truly the featured back in Baltimore’s offense. He split time with Alex Collins, Mark Ingram, J.K. Dobbins and Kenyan Drake. Besides, their quarterback was Lamar Jackson, who took a large chunk of carries, too. It’s not necessarily the fact that Edwards was “better” than any of the backs he split carries with; it was the fact that Edwards often did more with less volume. The situation was like Tony Pollard’s with less national attention.
With Dobbins out, Edwards has been the featured back in Baltimore this season, and on Sunday, he scored a hat trick for the second time dating back to his college days at Miami (FL); his other hat trick came when he scored a trio of touchdowns against Savannah State with the ‘Canes in 2013…
The Commanders play the Eagles close (again)
Even though the Eagles have been a far better football team than the Washington professional football franchise since 2021, the burgundy and gold have seemed to put up a good fight every time. Over their past three meetings, Philly has just a 94-93 advantage.
It really felt like Washington had Philly’s number again on Sunday. Sam Howell was throwing Sam Howitzers, as the Dion Waiters of NFL QBs finished the day with 397 yards and four touchdowns. Heck, the Commanders even broke the immortal triangle, as they recovered a fumble on the tush push. But then, the Eagles countered with a fake tush push into a sweep for D’Andre Swift, who found the end zone pretty easily, and the Eagles escaped with a 38-31 win.
Side note: check out this missile from Joey Slye. This kick might’ve been good from 80 yards.
The Panthers win a game! Cue Aloe Blacc!
The Panthers got their first win of the season against the Texans, eliminating the possibility of an 0-17 season. The piggyback celebration by Eddy Pinero and Johnny Hekker was adorable.
I never want a team to go winless over a whole season; I felt really bad for the Browns when they went 0-16 back in 2017, especially when their fans threw a parade after it was over, which caused then-Browns defensive tackle Emmanuel Ogbah to tweet his displeasure for the act.
Thankfully, there will be no pity parades in Charlotte.
Actually quick hitters
Check out this awesome throw from CJ Stroud.
Arthur Smith was being odd again in Atlanta’s 28-23 loss to Tennessee. Jonnu Smith, who was lined up at running back in place of Bijan Robinson, threw an incomplete pass to MyCole Pruitt with Kyle Pitts blocking.
Why does holding/pass interference just disappear on Hail Mary’s? Did Mary do something to NFL referees? Are all NFL referees closeted atheists? That rule needs to be amended.
Here’s your weekly freak athletic play from George Pickens.
The Jaguars are 6-2. That’s their best start since 1999, when they won 14 regular season games. I don’t think that’s going to happen this season, especially considering that they still have to play the Niners and everyone in the AFC North not named the Steelers. However, it’s nice to see Jacksonville doing this well, especially after a slow start to the season.
Awards and superlatives
Ol’ Reliable: AJ Brown
With Halloween quickly approaching, I’ll throw out a player/candy comparison. AJ Brown is the Hershey’s bar of wide receivers.
Similarly to Hershey’s, which has been in operation since before the 20th century, Brown has played at a high level for a long time (four seasons and change is a long enough time for me to say that). Brown has been amongst the elite class of receivers since his rookie season, but he’s never been considered to be at the level of the league’s best, just like Hershey bars. It’s overshadowed by other chocolate candies that may be considered more “interesting”: Snickers, Twix, 100 Grand, Milky Way, etc. All of them are a little flashier and have a little more pizzazz. Similarly, Brown’s consistently productive seasons were overshadowed by the season-long explosions from the likes of Michael Thomas, Davante Adams, Stefon Diggs, Justin Jefferson, Cooper Kupp and several others who’ve been considered top-five at the position at some point in the past few seasons.
However, the great thing about Hershey’s bars is that they’re consistently really good, and Brown is the exact same. On Sunday, he became the first wide receiver to register 125+ receiving yards in six consecutive games…ever. The club is AJ Brown…and no one else. For a guy who maybe hasn’t been considered to be amongst the best of the best, to have himself in a class of his own not just amongst current NFL receivers, but every NFL receiver ever, is pretty cool.
Also, he did this.
Fantasy football-wise, I’m a little annoyed that I wasn’t higher on Brown before the season. Consistently elite production is a rare commodity in fantasy football, and Brown had been providing it in each of his first four seasons in the league. There weren’t any real downsides that made Brown risky; he was the WR1 in a really good offense with a really good QB throwing him the football. It’s just that the ceilings of other receivers like Jefferson, Tyreek Hill and Ja’Marr Chase were higher, which might’ve led to him being ranked as the WR9 preseason by ESPN.
Everything the Eagles wanted in Brown has come to fruition and then some. I’ll put my Giants fandom to the side and pray to the football gods that he can continue dominating, because this is a stretch that we’ve literally never seen before.
Spooky scary speedster, sending shivers down your spine: Tyreek Hill
The argument for Hill to be the best receiver in the NFL is strong, but arguable. What’s almost inarguable, however, is the fact that Hill is the most terrifying receiver in the NFL.
There were two examples of this on Sunday. One was Hill’s top highlight of the afternoon: a 42-yard bomb from Tua Tagovailoa for Miami’s first score of the game.
Here, the Patriots are playing bracket coverage, which is essentially two defensive backs playing zone defense on one player. The goal is to take away certain throws using two defensive backs; one will cover one type of route, while the other covers the opposite of that route. The two most common brackets are inside/outside (throws towards the middle of the field and the sideline) as well as high/low (throws towards the line of scrimmage and deep down the field).
Two Patriots bracket Hill inside/outside. The only problem is that Hill can win a running race against most NFL players, and since the two navy jerseys didn’t bracket high/low (a.k.a. taking away a deep shot), Hill darts right through the bracket for a touchdown (and it isn’t even the first time Hill has done that this season). CBS color commentator Adam Archuleta said it best:
“If you don’t disrupt him, you’ve got no chance.”
The second example of Hill’s terror didn’t even involve him catching a pass. One of the most common themes I’ve talked about in these columns is how great players open up their teammates by merely existing. Watch how Hill’s motion brings two New England DB’s with him, which gifts Jaylen Waddle one of the easiest touchdowns he’ll ever score.
New Gen Ted Ginn Jr.: Rashid Shaheed
The Colts getting into shootouts with supposedly mediocre offenses is certainly something I didn’t have on my bingo card for the 2023 season. But alas, here we are, and Indy’s latest defensive struggle came at the hands of the Saints and, more specifically, Rashid Shaheed. The sophomore helped the Saints to a 38-27 victory with plays like these.
Since the turn of the 21st century, Shaheed is just the seventh player to register over 150 yards in a game on just three receptions, and when you look into his backstory, it’s no surprise that he’s become an explosive play monster for New Orleans.
Shaheed was a two-time section champion in track and field at Mt. Carmel High School in San Diego and went on to play college football at FCS Weber State. There, he balled out as a special teamer, as he broke the FCS record for career kickoff return touchdowns with seven. When he arrived in New Orleans as a UDFA last season, he started becoming a consistent downfield threat, and like fellow Weber State alumni Damian Lillard, Shaheed has made his money cashing in from way downtown.
Best Halloween costume that you couldn’t see: The Jets and Giants offenses dressing up as Iowa football
I don’t remember too much about 2011, but I do vividly remember Victor Cruz scoring a 99-yard touchdown on Christmas Eve against the Jets. It was a moment of surprising, blissful explosiveness.
Just like in 2011, I was in the holiday spirit (Hanukkah was happening) and hopeful for a Giants victory as well as some explosive plays, which had been a rare sight all season. I’d been noshing on candy corn for the past two days. My costume, a giraffe onesie I’d bought on Amazon, fit me incredibly well. However, surrounded by skeletons, pumpkins and ghosts, the Giants killed me by turning into pumpkins on offense and reinvigorating the ghosts of 2021.
Like black licorice, this game was disgusting. The Jets and Giants combined for 24 punts, the most in a single game since 2003, and also combined to go 4/34 on third down, the worst combined rate on 30+ third down attempts since 2009.
Even worse was that the Giants almost won despite a few numbers saying that they should’ve gotten smacked. Tyrod Taylor and Tommy DeVito combined for -9 passing yards, the fewest in NFL history, on 14 total pass attempts. Darren Waller, who exited the game in the first quarter with a hamstring injury, and Matt Breida, New York’s RB2, led the Giants in receiving with…one catch for four yards.
I truly didn’t think it could get worse after 2021, especially considering how much Brian Daboll and Mike Kafka helped improve the Giants offense in 2022. However, 2023 has been markedly worse than 2021. Their 11.9 points per game are the worst in the league by almost three whole points (the Jets are 31st with 14.8 PPG); there hasn’t been that large of a gap between 31st and 32nd since 2010.
However, it gets worse. If we take away New York’s 31-point performance against the Cardinals, their season average drops to 9.1 PPG; only eight other teams in NFL history have recorded a number that low over a full season. Finally, if we only count points scored on offense (which would eliminate Jason Pinnock’s pick-six against the Dolphins), that number drops to 7.13 PPG; only the 1944 Brooklyn Tigers, who went 0-10, had a TD/INT ratio of 3:29 and folded after the season, have averaged fewer than 7.13 points per game over an entire season.
Contrary to what much of the public discourse has been, the catastrophic offensive performance that got worse when DeVito, a UDFA out of Illinois, entered the game (a.k.a the passing game disappearing) is somewhat understandable. It was a rainy Sunday in New Jersey; the logic behind constantly handing the ball off is similar to the one Bill Belichick followed when he only called three passing plays amidst frigid Buffalo weather back in 2021.
DeVito is also New York’s third-string QB, who I wouldn’t imagine got too many first-team reps over the offseason. It looked like the Giants followed the same mantra that former Colts offensive coordinator Tom Allen entailed when Jon Gruden and Ron Jaworski asked why Peyton Manning was taking all of the first team reps during the 2011 offseason.
“Fellas, if 18 {Manning} goes down, we’re f***ed, and we don’t practice f***ed.”
Besides, had Graham Gano made the kick late in the fourth quarter and the Giants held on to win, this wouldn’t be as hot of a topic. The decision made at least some sense; the Jets had no timeouts and would’ve had to drive most of the field for a touchdown against a defense that’d been playing exceptionally for most of the day.
Unfortunately, the topic became hotter than whatever the opposite of the Giants offense is. Gano missed, the Giants defense melted down late, the offense stalled in overtime, and the Jets improbably won. I’m unsure what my limit is for unbelievably stupid/sad losses this season, but I feel like we’re getting close.
The most frustrating part is that Sunday was another example of Daboll seeming to let go of what made him so beloved by Giants fans in 2022. Sunday saw a handful of players and teams either return to their old selves or become something that they haven’t ever been; unfortunately for the Giants, Daboll falls into the latter category. His aggressiveness last season was incredibly refreshing, especially considering that cowardice defined the tenure of his predecessor, Joe Judge.
All the Giants needed to do was gain one yard on fourth down and the game would’ve been over. Instead, Daboll chose to attempt a field goal with a kicker who was knowingly injured. Then, in overtime, instead of continuing to run the ball (which was actually working pretty well), DeVito threw three swing passes to Saquon Barkley for a net gain of -1 yard. Boos understandably rained down like the raindrops falling onto MetLife Stadium. When Greg Zuerlin kicked the game-winning field goal on Gang Green’s next possession, a phenomenal defensive game from the Giants evaporated like the rain eventually will from the turf they tore up all afternoon.
Ahead of Tuesday’s trade deadline, I wouldn’t be surprised to see some of New York’s key players let go. If there are any Iowa-Giants fans out there, go watch some Dolphins highlights. Heck, it doesn’t even have to be from this season. 2020 Alabama. 2019 LSU. 2018 Chiefs. Most Big 12 games in the 2010’s. Anything to show that electric offense is in fact possible. You all need it.
Quote of the Week
“Hard Knocks’ is bull****-, especially during the season. I’m not a fan.” – Miami cornerback Xavien Howard on the in-season version of “Hard Knocks”, which is set to feature…the Dolphins.
Stat of the week
DaRon Bland registered his third pick-six of the season against the Rams, the first time that any Cowboy has ever done that. Bland, a defensive back, has more touchdowns than the following players and teams this season.
Calvin Ridley
Tee Higgins
DeVonta Smith
Jaylen Waddle
Chris Olave
Ryan Tannehill
Tony Pollard
Breece Hall
Bijan Robinson
The Giants offense
Division III Albright University’s offense