An article I came across this morning noted that the SEC is asking ESPN for help boosting basketball attendance numbers. Well, the team leading that problem is Missouri, who has seen their crowds drop by nearly 25 percent. I’m not a genius, but that is really bad. I’m honestly insulted that the SEC didn’t come to me for advice, but I’m gonna give it to them anyway. The best part: all suggestions come free of charge, and I won’t even be mad if they take a few of them.
Have Jabari Brown and Jordan Clarkson play the rest of the season by themselves.
This is a fantastic idea. NBA Jam gained traction in the 1990’s video game market with the 2 on 2 format, so why can’t Mizzou. It’s not like anyone comes to see anyone else on the team anyway. So, how about we remove the clutter and let them go. The results would be awe-inspiring.
Bring in Truman the Tiger as a walk-on
Admittedly, I’m not sure about Truman’s eligibility (Can’t go around making the NCAA mad, you know) but I think the tiger has some skills. I assume Truman will be manning the paint, because there is no way he could be worse than some of the front-court play the team has seen this season.
Let the Mizzou Rec basketball champs play one game against another school
I don’t know if it is because I’m horrifically bad at basketball or what, but I know those kids at the rec can ball HARD. Since the basketball season starts this week, how about the team that wins the playoffs plays a late season game instead? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t pay to watch 5 average guys take on Mississippi State.
Institute some sort of giveaway
My idea: “Friends for Frank” night. Whomever brings the most friends to the game gets to have dinner with Frank Haith. C’mon, you NEED to know how he keeps those Air Force Ones so clean. Other ideas that I tossed around: Tim Fuller belt giveaway night, dress like an Antler day (can’t kick out your best fans if you can’t find them!), and a green-out (colors seem to be en vogue, and I don’t know if I can handle another gold rush).
Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “But, Carson, what if they just won? Wouldn’t that bring people to the door?” Umm, well, theoretically yes… but that doesn’t seem to work either. This team is 16-6, which is actually not abysmal, contrary to popular belief. Heck, even South Carolina (who is 1-8 in SEC play) averages more fans than Mizzou. But, looks like people just don’t quite understand that. So if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for “So you wanna be the next Mizzou transfer?!” night.