Well friends, Super Bowl LVII is just around the corner, and in an ambitious attempt to facilitate the breaking of bread between the sports and music departments of KCOU I thought I’d contribute a blog post that combines the two. All of America will be tuning into what is commonly referred to as “the big game” for not only the football itself but also Rihanna’s halftime show. Honestly, this was a surprising choice for me. I think Rihanna will put together a great show, but I just didn’t see it coming. There’s been enough of a precedence with how the NFL put together their halftime shows, which is why I’ve taken the liberty of predicting who will be performing each show for the rest of the decade. I’m not saying all of these predictions will come true, but I’ve literally never been wrong in my life.

2024 – Imagine Dragons

I’ve been predicting this one for years, and I’ll keep doing so until it actually happens. Whether you like them or not, Imagine Dragons will be getting their own show. This prediction also follows my model of halftime shows where the act has to have passed their peak of relevance by at least a few years. You can even picture it now: launching into the chorus for ‘Radioactive’ while a mosh pit of dudes in Wrangler jeans and tight-fitting polos rush onto the field. This halftime show is coming and should happen sooner than later.

2025 – Harry Styles

Probably a bit before his time according to the relevancy window model, but this also seems like an inevitability. Harry clearly has personal issues that may keep him from this gig (British) but there should still be enough interest in giving him his own show. This also seems like the kind of situation where the idea of a One Direction reunion would get teased in the weeks leading up to it but the idea ultimately falls flat since Niall was the only one who agreed. Either way, it should be a fun one.

2026 – LMFAO

You thought you had heard the last of LMFAO. Instead, this is just the beginning. I went back to my relevancy model for this one and tried to calculate who were some of the more popular acts of 2011. It’ll be the least expected halftime show ever and that’s what will make it so fantastic. The whole gang will be reunited: Redfoo, the other one, that dancing robot that kept popping up in their videos, and so on. You want nostalgia? Then why don’t you smoke a whole PACK of nostalgia.

2027 – Super Bowl I Reunion

This occasion will mark the 60 year anniversary of the first Super Bowl between the Packers and the Chiefs. With hologram technology on the rise, this will be the year where the much-beloved halftime show of the first “big game” will be re-enacted for a modern audience, so anyone that’s still kicking themselves that they weren’t able to see trumpeter Al Hirt or the Ana-Hi-Steppers will finally have their chance. The first halftime show also had 300 pigeons released into the sky, so efforts should already be underway to reunite those pigeons all these years later for one last performance together.

2028 – Dave Chappelle

A bit of a left turn, but clearly nobody draws an audience like Chappelle. Audience members will be excitedly predicting which sketch from Chappelle’s Show he’ll perform first, but in reality this performance will just be the comedian performing his newer material with a single stool placed on the 50 yard line, shown with a single spotlight that captures his cigarette smoke. The energy of this set will start low and stay low as the mosh pit audience politely nods in silence. If surprise cameos are your thing, watch out for which celebrity will randomly appear and attempt to bring their public approval up.

2029 – Just endless commercials

In an effort to increase profit, NFL and broadcasters alike will take this added lull in the football action to further lay down commercials on us powerless viewers. What will make this somewhat interesting is that the commercials will be acted out live on the field. The Geico gecko will finally show his face in public as onlookers boo. That fella that prevents homeowners from becoming their parents will make an appearance. All the old commercials will be there, with dozens taking place at any one time across the field. This is what the future holds for us.

2030 – ‘PTA Meeting’ reunion

In the most highly anticipated halftime show of all time, the award-winning PTA Meeting show from KCOU 88.1 FM will reunite for a one-off special. My old cohosts and I will emerge from whatever holes we’re living in by 2030 and do one last broadcast together in front of a crazed audience. This one show will take two hours just as our usual Monday night broadcast does (10pm-midnight for those asking) and will include all of our favorite segments, from endless discussion of fast food to our alienating tastes in music. You haven’t heard the last of us yet. You have been warned.